I'm just F*ing FINE!!!!!!

If one more quasy aquaintance asks me how I'm doing I think rather then telling them I'm doing ok I'll tell them the truth. I'm great during the day, Can handle everthing, think well this is what was "ment to be" and keep a business face on when looking for answers or talking to my Dr, and I am even starting to entertain the idea of mabey still trying for another one.

At night I'm a freaking nut case. I haven't had a good nights sleep in a week. Last Thursday I was up because I was worried about bleeding so much. Every night since Friday I can't sleep. Either I start bawling, get pissed off, or drink too much (ok, only did this once to help me sleep and it didn't work) and feel slightly hung over the next day....even if it was only 2 small mudslides. Last night was the topper though. I actually FELL asleep at a decent time and woke up in the middle of the night with the cramps from hell everyone promised me was coming. Actually they came yesterday morning, but went away after I called hubby home from work only to return this morning at 3:30 am to keep me up till 5. I will say if this is the shit people feel after or during child birth I will more then happily stay with my nice neat c-sections that they give ya a great pain pill afterward thank you.

I did have a bit of joy in telling off the manager at work yesterday when I called in. I went in last Sunday, because I was fine...during the day, but called in yesterday because of the cramps that wouldn't allow me to get 2 steps away from my heating pad. the conversation went something like this.

Me: Hi I won't be able to come in today
Him: Why
Me: I don't feel good
Him: what's wrong (WTF does he think I'm one of the moron teenager's that doesn't ever come in???????)
After my quick thinking I decided not to lie but to call his bluff.
Me: Well I had a miscarriage last Friday and even though I was able to come in on Sunday, I am now having some risidual problems..
Him. Oh ok

I will say it took everything in me to not go into extreame detail about the cramping and bleeding, and how our uniforms require tan pants, and how that's not exactly condusive to me working last night....but I didn't I restrained myself.

On another note that sucks I cannot find my wallet, I'm sure it's somwhere in my house, but the question is where. Last I remember having it was Monday night when DH and I were out, but I don't belive I even took it out of my pocket. Plus no one has tried using my cards yet. What I really think might have happend is #2 tossed it along with everything else lately in the garbage can, and yes trash pickup was this morning,a nd I didn't think of this as a possibility untill after the fact. It may have also gotten packed up with Christmas decorations, so we'll be searching there tonight!

I'm not spell checking today, because I don't really give a shit. Hmm I think possibly I'm in the anger stage of dealing with life today. Anywho. Hope you all have a good New Year, and I'll really try to be in a good mood and post my new outlook on Christmas next time. I know you're all on the edge of your seats waiting for it!