A letter

Dear Aunt Flo,

GO AWAY!!!!! I know you must come for you're monthly visit, and I appreciate you sticking around after the miscarriage for moral support, but really I'm fine now. It's been almost 9 weeks, and I don't need you any more. My mother is coming at some point this month to give me enough headaches over this subject herself. If you persist in refusing to evacuate I will have to go see the girly Dr., with a God complex, to find more drastic measures of eviction. I don't like him and I'd like to be able to end my relationship with him without having to see him again to tie up these loose ends.

You already got yourself a reprieve. I was suppose to go back to him if the nasty medicine did not work by Monday the 20th. Well it was you're luck that I spent that entire day coming home from a wonderful weekend to a house with sick kids, and given the day I spent in airplanes and airports, I myself was fighting something. You knew I was going to call again by last Monday so you started to pack you're bags and told me to call you a cab, and I believed you were really going. Granted I should have seen the signs that you were not actually planning on leaving, but conducting you're regular monthly visit this week. The bloating, the irritableness, the tiredness, but I didn't and I was fooled again.

Please consider this you're last warning. If you are not gone by Monday I will call the man with the "god complex" and I will find ways of getting rid of you. At this point I'd even consider removing you're guest room permanently and, banishing you for life. I mean we aren't even sure we want to use you're room again, and that would make our decision easy. Although I'm sure Dr. "God complex" won't like that idea, be aware I'm willing to seriously consider it.

sincerely,
ME