quick update

I had a miscarriage tonight. So far I'm doing ok, but I don't think I will be when the shock factor wears off so I might not be around much for a little bit. My parent's are still here and DH has off on Monday, so I have help at the moment. Hard part will be telling people. I got to the point of really thinking everything was ok, I hadn't bleed in so long, and I told people at work, and #1's teacher and some classmate's mom's etc.

I know I've been absent for a while, and I have a few good blog entries in my mind. One on my new outlook on Christmas. Hopefully I will get them on here soon, but right now my head hurts and I'm going to go to bed soon.

Day 2 and 3

Day 2 went fairly well. #2 is not appreciating having to share his toys in the morning again, and #1 went through a short crabby stage, that never got too bad, and seemed to be cured by helping mommy bake Lassie's for Grandma and Grandpa who are coming for Christmas.

Day 3 has been a huge pain so far, but it does have one very big redeeming moment. The am started off with all three of us waking up tired. I was watching a friends kid for a few hours this morning, and while he was great. #2 did NOT appreciate sharing his toys, mommy, or house with him. #1 was good till my friend and her oldest got back. That's when he started to flip out on me. He ended up in time out 3 times for some reason. All I can think is he is lonely for his school friends, and my friend's oldest is Autistic so even though he seems older his play level is closer to that of #2, and he doesn't want to interact with #1

So where might that bright spot be? After my friend left and #1 got out of his third time out, he sat down on the steps. I asked him what was wrong and he looked at me and said "I'm feeling tired" after that he took off to his room. I went to check on him a few minutes later...After total quiet scares me, and he was laying down in his bed. He asked me to turn his fan on, and light off, because he needed a rest time. It lasted for about half an hour before he came out again, but he came out with a completely different attitude. This "almost" makes me think the last 3 years of struggles is finally getting through...Hey I do tend to be an optimist.

The big negative of the day? I swated #2 on the butt when he tried to throw himself off the changing table. I do occasionally spank him if it's an issue of safety since it actually seems to work with him, (it totally doesn't with #1) but he moved, I missed the padded part of the diaper, and left a mark on his back. Yup here I am looking like worlds worse mom with Grandma and Grandpa arriving within the next hour or so. Grandma is critical enough of my parenting as it is.

So with that said I will sign off with a Happy Holiday's since I probably won't make it back on to post until after Christmas. I work tonight and from 11-5 tomorrow, and will then be entertaining my parents, or conning them into babysitting and taking off ;-)

I love calling their bluffs

Day 1 of Christmas break, 11 to go:

Earlier today I tried to get #1 and #2 to put their shoes on so we could go to the store. #2 is out of diapers and I've had to "borrow" from my daycare kid today. Both of them gave me resounding no's so I figure why fight it. Jump ahead till now, an hour before naptime, and I ask #1 why he's so crabby when we didn't go to the store like he wanted and he decides NOW he want's to go to the store, and when I say no I'm not going he decides he will anyways.

So he open's up the door and looks at me to yell at him to stop, instead I said, well go if you're going, and close the door you're letting all the cold air in. (before you call CPS on me, we live on a dead end street and I could see him the whole time, and the whole thing took a minute) So out he runs in a tantrum, with no socks or shoes on (it's 30 degrees out today). He gets out to the van, opens the door starts to climb in when I yelled, you'll have to walk you can't drive, and I have the keys. So back to the house he comes, at which point I make him go back too shut the car door, and tell him he cannot bring the crabbies back in. They have to stay outside, and he can't come in till he makes them.

He came in went to the bathroom had a rousing fight with the "crabbies" telling them they had to go away and is now nicely playing play-doh with his brother.

I am fully aware that I will not be able to pull this much, especially in summer, or if he had shoes on since we live less then 2blocks from a Walgreen's (that is on a busy road) and he might have taken me up on my walking proposition. But with no shoes I figured he wasn't going to get too far and reason would snap in :-)

You know it's morning sickness when

You feel like puking, and yet all you want to eat is Chipolte. I now have an "official" due date of Aug. 6th although I'm guessing I'll actually have baby around July 23rd... Scheduling a C-sect sure is convenient. For those of you not in the know our family of 5 will then have a birthday in each of the following months July, Aug, Sept, Oct, Nov...Followed up by Christmas in Dec and our anniversary in Jan.

#1 had his school Christmas party yesterday and I got to go as I had my one friend here watch #2 for a while. We had fun, got to hear what a wonderful angle (cough, cough, sputter) I supposedly have. Just wish he'd come home with #1 once in a while.

I found another interesting difference between boys/girls this weekend. When I was a kid, and my snowman started to melt, I'd make a huge effort to rebuild it to make it last longer. My kids tackled it, cut it's head off with the shovel, and stomped it into the grass, and used his bottom 2 balls as a slide. Guess homicidal tendencies start early.

Other then the fact I'm freezing and we don't even have any snow left for Christmas there isn't much new around here.

I'll never make the right decision

That's a fact I need to just accept. If something is staring me in the face that would make my life easier for even a few hours I have to reject it.

Today I got a call from #1's busdriver. After my first bought of panic (OMG who'd he bite) I found out that due to the whopping 1" of snow we received there will be no mid-day bus service. What did we move back to TX without my knowledge? My choices....Go pick him up, or he can stay till the 3:30 preschool bus...HMMMM. Two weeks ago it would have been no question. Let him stay. I mean he was getting off the bus saying I want to go back to school now. However in the last couple weeks he's been saying he doesn't want to go, not happy about leaving in the morning, and although coming home happy, not telling me he wanted to stay longer. This along with the fact that all I packed the poor boy for lunch was yogurt (his choice) I figured I'd better go get him.

I get to the office and his teacher's assistant brings him down for me to pick up and he takes one look at me and says "you can't take me home, I want busdriver to take me home. I don't want to go home, I want to stay at school, Jack's not going home." I also found out that he had 2 lunches today because one of the assistants gave him hot lunch for some odd reason, no I've never paid for hot lunch before, but I do send milk money every month or so

So not only did he not want to come home, he's been crabby ever since, and #2 who was a perfect angle today has been a complete brat picking fights with him ever since...Someone please tell me why I didn't just let him stay!

Pictures

Haven't posted any in a while, so I'm due.

I snapped the one's of the boy's at home trying to get a good picture to send to out to family. #1 was being very cute and cooperative. I got the pictures of him, just because he was being cute. #2 was not quite so much.

Update

Thanks for everyone's thoughts and prayers, it means alot to me.

Still nothing conclusive (nice huh) But the Dr's have said they are not overly worried. My HCG levels are increasing, although not as quickly as they should be, but since the U/S when I was in the emergency showed everything as ok, and they are increasing they said it's touchy, but they're not too worried. I'm still spotting once a day or so, but not much, and the cramping seems to have stopped.

My first apt with my ob is on Friday. So far I've had to deal with my regular Dr, because my OB was on vacation and they won't work with a patient they have not seen in their office...Even to just give them test results, but that's a whole other rant for another day ;-) My OB has been "consulting" on a patient (i.e. me) with my family Dr. I really wish the Family Dr did OB stuff, she is awesome, even if she hasn't delt with any OB stuff since med school (it's not that long ago for her lol)

Threatened miscarriage

WARNING: Don't read if you're sensitive to these issues

Ok, well threatened miscarriage is the "medical term" for what's going on. To make a really long story short and just to update everyone, I started spotting on Sat, spent the night in the ER, and even though everything was still ok as of Sunday morning, I have been spotting and cramping on and off ever since. I have to go back in for a blood test today which should shed some light on what my hormone levels are, but otherwise I just really don't know what's happening, but right now I'm not too hopeful.

Mainly because last night I woke up with a really bad stomach cramp, went to the bathroom and even though it went away, the pain kind of radiated through my back, and abdomen in what felt like a really really bad menstrual cramp (and at 4:30 in the morning I didn't think to look to see if I passed anything). So today I'm not bleeding any harder then I have been (which really isn't much) but I'm having cramps and feel very much like I'm having bad PMS....However I still feel like I'm going to puke.

So I'll post when I know anything new, but I might not be around for a few days. As I keep getting told, I need to just wait and see...Which I think is harder then just knowing.

Let's debate shall we?

Today as I was surfing the internet while my 2 occasional daycare kids were sound asleep, and my 2 were wide awake, but in their rooms, I came across this article about if there should be "No Kid Zone's" .

Basically (if you're too tired, lazy, or short on time to read it) a Cafe owner put up a sign saying Children have to behave and use inside voices. As you can well imagine this has created some controversy.

Personally I love it. As a parent of 2 sometimes (ok most of the time) obnoxious children, I love the idea of grown up places. I guess the fact is that all kids will act up in public, some more then other's, but it's the parents responsibility to DO something about it. I guess for me I've put my own restrictions on where I will bring my children. Like I will not bring them into the store I work at after they had a meltdown in front of the entire sales floor staff and store manager, but we do eat at restaurants that "cater" to kids. Mainly if it has a slide, a drive through, or (my favorite) the Gyro place near us that has a bunch of toys and the owner's occasionally acting up 3yr old in a corner.

maybe I've just seen too many kids walk in the store I work at having a tantrum, walk all the way through the store with a tantrum, and continue the tantrum as the parent's leave the store seemingly oblivious to it, and take their own sweet time shopping.

There is the other side to this. The few times I get away from my children, with or without hubby, I like to not listen to other people's children. I try to choose places that are not exactly child friendly, but nonetheless someone always decides to bring a child that cannot handle it into the establishment. I say the child cannot handle because I know of some people (although I've yet to meet them) who have children that are able to act according to standards that would be unthinkable for my own children.

So I guess my question is, if you went into the above cafe, would you be offended, walk out and never go back, or say cool, and grab your late before you kid starts to scream, take off and go back later some day when you decide to dump you're little ur um angel's on you're hubby or some other unsuspecting person.

!@#$%^&*&^%$ Phone!

My phone is not working. Oh I have a line, it's just so staticy that I can't hear anything on it. I use to come and go, but now it's just here. I've actually had the boys down and/or quiet and wanted to make phone calls 3-4 times in the last two days and I can't because I won't be able to hear anything.

Hopefully the phone co can come out quickly to fix it.

Please No girl vibes!!!!

Eeek Delaine, what do you want? To totally throw me off, I mean I know how to deal with all things boy now (well up to age 5 anyways) but would be totally clueless on how to deal with a girl attitude, makeup, princess stuff, and God forbid I'd have to play Barbies. I never even liked that when I was a kid. I mean at 5yr's old there is a little girl in #1's class FLIRTING with him, it's always Oh #1, look at this, Oh #1, want to play house with me. And her mom says she hearse #1's name ALL the time at home. I hear about Jack. Give me biting, hitting pushing, wrestling anyday and I know what to do about it.

While there is a teeny tiny part of me that would love to decorate my baby's room in a fairy garden theme, and buy some of the really cute clothes I see, I have come to terms with the reality that I think I am ment to be a boy's mommy.

When I was preg with #1 I was Terrified I'd have a boy, I mean I grew up in a family of all girls including the dog (yes we all feel sorry for my dad). But sure enough out came a boy. Then with #2 I was comfortable with the whole boy thing, but longed to buy dresses, and have someone who actually would like to shop with me. But now that #3 is on the way I'm terrified of a girl. I mean I see girl babies #2's age at work all the time telling their mommy's they do or don't like an outfit. At 2!!! All #2 care's about is if a) it is/was #1's or b) it has something cool on it.

So the whole point to all this? I'm pretty sure we'll end up with a girl this time round. But hey, at least we still have a name for a girl ;-)


P.S. I'm much more ok, and not in as bad of shock as I was yesterday about this.